It's almost the new year. It's so near,you can almost taste it. This year has been crappy for me. So much so that I almost hate it and hate is a really strong word n I don't use it often. It's been terrible personally, emotionally draining and more or less too eventful, in all the wrong ways.
Still, it went really fast, and for that I am grateful. Grateful that all the bad memories are just that now,bad memories. It's so easy to complain of bad times. Easier than contemplating what went wrong and the learning. So I vouched to do just that. What did I achieve? What are the things that went right and the highlights.
The highlight definitely has to be the time well spent with family. A small day trip to Mahableshwar. The week long vacation to Coorg and the Diwali of course. A new beautiful apartment and all the moving on has been great too. Professionaly I was so good when I was working hard. Believing that the job, which wasn't really my dream, I could do so much more with it than just paying bills. It was a revelation. Then yes, there is the actual dream job,which somehow seems tangible now, more than ever. Since I've been so free, emotionally.
Then there it was,the heartache, the pain and the guilt. Dealing with it the entire year now. It hasn't subsided,it's so there all the time, lurking, threatening to show up at any vulnerable moment. But I've learned to deal. I've learnt that it's not going away. Also that looking back is not the solution, it's forward that matters. And the Today, it matters the most. I am happy to have found this freedom in me,this strength and faith that has kept me afloat. This belief in the Light that has given me the will to go on. It's like the worse has happened and I dealt with it and here I am, the strongest yet. It's painful but God is so kind, He lets you remember only the good parts.
Then again, a bygone year reminds you so very strongly that its such a short, minuscule time in your entire life and so tiny in the bigger scheme of things,that I want to chide myself to even think about it in such a big way. All I want to take away from 2013 is that it was a wonderfully trying year that has made me the person I am today and altered me forever, for good.
I so want 2014, I welcome you with open arms,you are mine.
December 13, 2013